


An Address To The New Tay Gap Spanner

by tweedymcgee



Series: Poems [5]
Category: Homestuck, William McGonagall - Works
Genre: Humor, Municipal Infrastructure, Parody, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tweedymcgee/pseuds/tweedymcgee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The <a href="http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/gems/an-address-to-the-new-tay-bridge">poem this is based on</a>, by nineteenth-century poet William McGonagall, is an atrocity. It is amazing that it exists. It is so utterly bad that it goes all the way around the bend of badness and reaches back around to grasp at some sort of awful poetic genius. It is so purely appalling, you just want to pick it up and kiss it right on the nose like a kitten.</p><p>Getting Tavros involved with it is probably coals to Newcastle. What can I say. I have a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Address To The New Tay Gap Spanner

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Tumblr user ceruleancynic, whose fault this is.
> 
> Also, [as in canon](http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/gems/the-tay-bridge-disaster), there's a prologue of sorts: 
> 
> i THINK, tHE THING i’M TRYING TO SAY,
> 
> aBOUT THE RAILWAY BRIDGE, oF THE SILV’RY TAY,
> 
> wITH ALL THE SELF-ESTEEM i CAN, uH, cONVEY,
> 
> iS THAT IT’S A REALLY DUMB IDEA, tHE DUMBEST YOU COULD EVER HAVE, tO BUILD THAT WAY,
> 
> aT LEAST, tHAT IS WHAT A LOT OF SENSIBLE TROLLS SAY,
> 
> iN CASE THERE IS ANYBODY HERE, wHO CARES,
> 
> a LOT OF TIMES, i WARNED YOU, aBOUT STAIRS,
> 
> fOR THE MORE STAIRS, tHE BUILDERS BUILD,
> 
> tHE MORE CHANCES EVERYBODY HAS, oF GETTING KILLED,

bEAUTIFUL NEW RAILWAY BRIDGE, oF THE SILVERY TAY,  
wITH YOUR STRONG BRICK PIERS, aND BUTTRESSES, iN SO GRAND ARRAY,  
aND ALL THE OTHER STRUCTURAL REINFORCEMENTS, tHAT THERE ARE,  
wHICH MAKE THEE SHINE, lIKE A BEAUTIFUL STAR,  
tHOU ARE BASICALLY, tHE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING, TO EXIST TODAY,  
i AM DEFINITELY FEELING REALLY CONFIDENT ABOUT THAT, iN A WAY,  
bECAUSE OF ALL THESE NEW POSITIVE FEELINGS, wHICH i HAVE, oK,  
aND ALSO, bECAUSE OF THY BUTTRESSES, mADE OF STEEL,  
wHICH MAKE ME FEEL, tHE THINGS i LIKE TO FEEL,  
i THINK THAT EVERYONE, sHOULD FEEL THIS WAY,  
aBOUT THE BEAUTIFUL NEW GAP SPANNER, oF THE SILVERY TAY,  
  
bEAUTIFUL NEW RAILWAY BRIDGE, i THINK IT IS NICE,  
tHAT THY BUILDERS HAVE MADE YOU, aBLE TO EXPAND, iN CASE OF ICE,  
aND ALSO THAT THY CABLES, aRE MADE FLEXIBLE, tO BEND AND SWAY,  
bUT NOT TOO MUCH, bECAUSE THAT COULD CAUSE THEE, tO GIVE WAY,  
a THING THAT WOULD SURELY, cAUSE EVERY TROLL DESPAIR,  
iT IS TOO BAD, tHAT YOU ARE NOT ACCESSIBLE BY WHEELCHAIR,  
bUT SINCE THY SPLENDOR IS SO SHINING, YOUR LACK OF HANDICAP ACCESSIBILITY i WILL NOT MOCK,  
bESIDES, i NOW HAVE ROBOT LEGS, aND CAN ON THEE WALK,  
do YOU NOTICE, hOW I AM THINKING GOOD POSITIVE THOUGHTS, eVERY DAY,  
o BEAUTIFUL NEW GAP SPANNER, oF THE SILVERY TAY,  
  
tHE HUMANS BRAG, aBOUT THEIR RAP MUSIC, aND THEIR SICK FIRES,  
bUT i TRULY THINK, nO ILL RHYME CAN INSPIRE,  
tHE KIND OF JOY A TROLL FEELS, wHEN HE SEES, a GAP SPANNER AS FINE AS THEE,  
cARRYING MANY RAILWAY CARRIAGES, sO BEAUTIFUL TO SEE,  
i SWELL WITH PRIDE, tO SEE YOUR SPAN ENROBED, iN LOCOMOTIVE STEAM,  
iT IS A THING, wHICH GIVES ME LOTS OF SELF-ESTEEM,  
aND AS YOU HAVE BEEN COMPLETED, oN THE FIRST DAY, oF THE SECOND PERIGEE,  
i HOPE THE CONDESCE, wILL HONOR THY ERECTION, wITH AN IMPERIAL DECREE,  
FOR THOU ARE WORTHY, oF EVEN A DUAL-FORKED TYRIAN EMPRESS OF THE SPRAY,  
i AM FEELING REALLY CONFIDENT ABOUT THIS, aND i CAN DEFINITELY SAY,  
i THINK THAT EVERYONE, sHOULD FEEL THIS WAY,  
aBOUT THE BEAUTIFUL NEW GAP SPANNER, oF THE SILVERY TAY,


End file.
